Weden: —midnight—[13th February 1788]
After a wretched day, I am preparing for a sleepless night.—I am
going to address myself to the Almighty Witness of my actions—
some time, perhaps very soon, my Almighty Judge—I am not going
to be the advocate of Passion—be Thou my Inspirer and testimony,
O God, as I plead the cause of truth!—
I have read over your friend’s haughty, dictatorial letter: you are
only answerable to your God, in such a manner.—Who gave any
fellow-creature of yours (a fellow-creature incapable of being your
judge because not your Peer) a right to catechize, scold, undervalue,
abuse and insult, wantonly and inhumanly to insult you thus?—I
don’t wish, not even wish to deceive you, Madam. The Searcher of
hearts is my witness how dear you are to me; but tho’ it were
possible you could be still dearer to me—I would not even kiss your
hand, at the expence of your conscience—Away with declamation!
let us appeal to the bar of Common Sense—It is not mouthing every
thing sacred; it is not vague, ranting assertions; it is not assuming,
haughtily and insultingly assuming, the dictatorial language of a
Roman Pontiff, that must dissolve a union like ours—Tell me,
Madam, are you under the least shadow of an obligation to bestow
your love, tenderness, caresses, affections, heart and soul, on Mr
Mcilhose—the man who has repeatedly, habitually and barbarously
broke thro’ every tie, of Duty, Nature, or Gratitude to you? The
laws of your Country indeed, for the most useful reasons of Policy
and sound government, have made your person inviolate; but are
your heart and affections bound to one who gives not the least
return of either to you? You cannot do it; it is not in the nature of
things that you are bound to do it; the common feelings of
humanity forbid it.—Have you then a heart and affections which are
no man’s tight? you have: it would be highly, ridiculously absurd to
suppose the contrary—Tell me then in the name of Common Sense
can it be wrong, is such a supposition compatible with the plainest
ideas of Right and Wrong, that it is improper to bestow that heart
and those affections to another; while that bestowing is not in the
smallest degree hurtful to your duty to God, to your children, to
yourself, or to Society at large?—
This is the great test; the consequences: let us see them. In a
widowed, forlorn, lonely situation, with a bosom glowing with love
and tenderness, yet so delicately situated that you cannot indulge
these noble feelings except you meet with a man who has a soul
capable
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